oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
