We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
