tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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