YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
