you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
