Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
