So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
