whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
