hotel room ftw
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
