why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
