this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A bitchslap is in order.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
