dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
