It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
