wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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