it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
