this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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