It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
