I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
