I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I would fuck him just for his dog
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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