Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
