I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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