I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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