this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
