I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
