How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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