So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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