Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
