It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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