this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
