If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
