Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
