Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
