also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
