I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
