i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
