The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
