i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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