obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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