It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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