saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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