listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
