I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
