My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
