I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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