Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Small penises have feelings too.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
