He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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