Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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