hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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