I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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