I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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