nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
