No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Bring me that man meat
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
