There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
