Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
